Aug 08: Me & You - Russell & Elise Hoath, Canterbury Baptist Church



To my mind, Elise was the most wonderful wife – words cannot describe how wonderful she was. She was my best friend, a great mother to our boys, a loving grandmother, and a warm, generous person to all she came in contact with.

I loved Elise dearly and she loved me unconditionally. We were so compatible in every way; our relationship was uncanny in that whatever she liked, I also liked – and vice versa. There were those eerie times when she’d say something and I’d be thinking the same thing. We had thirty-eight wonderful years of marriage together and I adored her. I thank God for bringing Elise into my life; I am truly privileged to have been her husband. I was the luckiest man in the world.

We met at Box Hill Baptist, where we both attended the youth group. Over the years our relationship grew stronger and stronger. We were inseparable; it was like we were as one.

Elise lavished me with hugs and kisses. It was if she had an unlimited supply! Her warm and loving smiles were to die for. She taught me so much about life, to appreciate the simple things and to see beauty in nature. One of the things that I admired the most was the way she stood beside me through thick and thin. We experienced some dark patches in our life – I was retrenched twice, had a health scare and finance issues – but not once did she waver in her support for me. I knew deep down that it was a struggle for her, but not once did she complain.

She kept me grounded and was influential in my spiritual journey.

Elise shone in certain areas, particularly in befriending people, listening to their stories and problems, and giving advice. More particularly, she would give them hope. She was constantly buying gifts for people or giving things away. I’d buy books, CDs, etc, and they’d go missing.

I remember on one occasion I bought a new The Message Bible and it soon disappeared. I asked Elise if she’d seen it, to which she coyly said ‘no’, only to admit a short time later that she’d given it to a teacher friend as she thought she needed it more than me.

The thing that I’ve learnt the most from Elise is her ability to reach out and help people. She gave of herself to the point where sometimes she would say she couldn’t cope, however she would always persevere.

When listing Elise's best qualities, I don’t know where to begin. First and foremost she was a fantastic wife and best friend to me (I don’t mind admitting that she brought more to our marriage than I did; I could not fault her). She was a superb mother to our three boys, she was a gifted teacher to children, her pastoral skills to parents were first class, she befriended and helped people, and above all she had an unwavering faith which she shared with everyone she came into contact with. She touched so many lives.

At one point I decided to subscribe to Foxtel in order to watch more sport. When Elise found out, she said I was silly spending money on such a thing – however, it didn’t take her long to realise that Foxtel also offered travel, cooking and renovating programs, and thereafter I never got the opportunity to watch my sport!

Elise and I were visiting our eldest son and his wife in America, where they live. One morning we decided to go for a ride along a bike track, which ran parallel to a highway. We decided to cross the two-lane highway, so we stopped riding and proceeded to cross the highway, pushing our bikes. At this point we were about 25 metres apart. We reached the middle of the road and were waiting for one car to pass on our right, when Elise (being more familiar with cars passing from the left) looked in the opposite direction, thought it was safe to proceed, and was struck by the car coming from the right.

I cannot begin to explain the feeling of despair and loss; it’s like experiencing a bad dream, which would normally come to an end, however in my case it goes on and on. There’s a feeling of disbelief, loneliness and numbness that is inescapable. I expect her to walk back into my life.

There is no question that my faith has sustained me. Not once have I questioned God. I am so blessed to have the support of my family, my church folk, my Rotary friends, my work colleagues, my small group mates and other friends and neighbours. I don’t know how I would have managed without that support, which is ongoing.

I don’t think there’s anything I’d do differently if I had to start the grieving process again now. People have asked if I’m having professional counselling and I’d say no. I figured that if I was making an effort to get on with my life, if I was okay to get up and go to work, if I was socialising and conscious of my health and wellbeing, then I’d manage okay.

I’m greatly saddened by the loss of Elise, and as hard as it is to piece my life back together, I do have wonderful memories that will never leave me.

I’m very conscious of how tenuous life is and how a life can be snatched from us in the blink of an eye. I’m also appreciative of how new life comes along and to that end I’m grateful to God for blessing me with two little grandsons … Elise will live on through them.

Elise’s passing prompted me to pause and contemplate what life is all about and I have come to the realisation that we are privileged to have the life we have but our Earthly life is but a dress rehearsal, it’s a time to prepare for eternity. I know one day my heart will stop just like Elise’s, and I want to make sure that if life as I know it here on Earth is a warm-up act, then I want to be as prepared as Elise was.

I’ve come to learn through Elise’s death that we cannot judge a dark period in our lives as being only one season, and that the essence of who we are and the pleasure, joy, and love that comes from life and the people around us can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are fulfilled.

If we give up when it's winter, we’ll miss the promise of the spring, the beauty of the summer and fulfilment of the autumn.

We can’t let the pain of one season destroy the joy of the rest. We shouldn’t judge life by one difficult season. Persevere through the difficult patches, knowing that better times are sure to come at some point.

Leave the rest to God.


Compiled by Matthew J Bevis



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